My adventures on the record...

Sunday November 2, 2008

Another entry has been long overdue. This year has been full of firsts!

This summer I was a new member of two festival orchestras. Mendocino Festival and Cabrillo Festival. It's great to experience new players and new conductors but as the new kid on the block I'm overly aware of being on my best behavior and in my tip top playing shape. Mendocino's final concert was on a Saturday night and the first rehearsal of Cabrillo began the next afternoon. Driving through the night is never ideal. Crazy travel schedules, one of the job descriptions of musicians but I still have the dream in those situations to possess the ability to transport myself in an instant.

Earlier this month I met an actress Claytie, also the founder of Nebulene Theater (nebunele.com). We became fast friends and are in the brainstorming phase of collaborating on one of her productions. It is to be based on the lyrics from a song (below is the version sung but Gillian Welch):

There were two sisters of county Clare,
Oh, the wind and rain
One was dark and the other was fair,
Oh, the dreadful wind and rain
And they both had a love of the miller's son,
Oh, the wind and rain
But he was fond of the fairer one,
Oh, the dreadful wind and rain
So she pushed her into the river to drown
oh, the wind and rain
and watched her as she floated down
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
and she floated till she came to the millers pond
oh, the wind and the rain
dead on the water like a golden swan
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
as she came to rest on the riverside
oh, the wind and the rain
and her bones were washed by the rolling tide
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
and along the road came a fiddler fair
oh, the wind and rain
and found her bones just a lying there, cried
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
so he made a fiddle peg of her long finger bone
oh, the wind and the rain
he a made a fiddle peg of her long finger bone, crying
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
and he strung his fiddle bow with her long yeller hair
oh, the wind and the rain
he strung his fiddle bow with her long yeller hair, cried
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
and he made a fiddle fiddle of her breast bone
oh, the wind and rain
he made a fiddle fiddle of her breast bone, cried
oh, the dreadful wind and rain
but the only tune that the fiddle could play was
oh, the wind and rain
the only tune that the fiddle would play was
oh, the dreadful wind and rain

Another first to share...

Just last week I experienced my first sitting with a gifted local artist Ann Thiermann (annthiermann.com). She is working on portraits to feature many female artists who work with their hands. Her exhibit will debut at UC Santa Cruz fall 2009 (see her description at the bottom of this entry) and she hopes to take it elsewhere. She approached me after one of my concerts. What an honor! Earlier this year she took photographs of me at different angles and did some quick sketches as I played. Just last week I went to her studio and she made great progress already (the finished portrait is in my "Fun" album). As I sat for 4 1/2 hours she worked on filling in my facial features and adding dimension to my hands, arms, and back.

Less than a week remains before I embark on my journey overseas. I will call Rome home for six weeks. Next I will move around Poland. Then I will explore India. So many have asked why I'm going. Simply, I'm going for adventure. I've always dreamed of living abroad, learning another language (Italian for this trip), immersing myself in things foreign, making new friends. At this point in my career I have many incredible projects occuring but nothing that prohibits me from blasting off and disappearing for awhile. In this strained economic climate people may think my decision foolish but I am sincerely excited to walk through many doors of opportunity and through the process grow richer in other ways :)

Visual Conversations with Women in the Arts: The Creative Act
Recent works by Ann Thiermann and friends Oct. 20-Dec. 5th 2009
Eloise Smith Gallery, Cowell College, UCSC. Opening Oct 25 2-4

A conversation with the weaver Ann Dizikes about her colored warp threads inspired me to portray her at work in her studio. As she worked the shuttle of her floor loom, light flooding across her hands, bobbins and shuttle, I was fascinated by the beauty of her concentration and discipline. When her weaving was hung next to her portrait during Open Studio 2005, a dialogue – a visual conversation – seemed to occur between portrait and piece; and from that experience the idea for this show was born.

The twenty visual conversations shown here include portraits of women skilled in painting, photographing, printmaking, sculpture, weaving, glassmaking, lace-making, quilting, metalwork, ceramics, bookbinding, conducting, dance, music-making, and writing. My paintings, prints, or drawings hang next to and “converse" with the creative work of these artists in 2D, 3D, audio, or video formats. As a professional figurative/landscape painter and classical musician trained to interpret different musical styles, I have been drawn to create portraits of outstanding women artists from different artistic disciplines.

Dramatic light is a strong unifying element throughout the portraits, but my palette consciously shifts from expressive color, to tonal, to black and white imagery to mirror the artistic personality and style of each woman artist. I focused on the artist’s act of making art portraying my subjects’ hands: the hands of artists working with the tools of their trade – paintbrush, chisel, shuttle, squeegee, pin-hole camera, needle, musical instrument, baton. I hope my portraits, as they converse with their artists’ creations, reveal the women embodied in those creations, capture their intensity and concentration in the act of making art.

For the gallery viewer, these "visual conversations" provide an intriguing look into the process and person behind the finished work. The show brings together the work of exceptional women artists who have inspired me and shows both the strength and beauty of their individual oeuvre, and collectively of women artists. Together, the works bridge the isolation of the individual artist's world. For me, the time spent with these artists rekindles my own artistic flame and provokes a deeper look into a dynamic depiction of the figure in motion and in the act of creation.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Music in May, part II

Some more memorable moments...

Elizabeth, my sister, was my personal assistant for the week. I would never have survived without her assistance! It was wonderful to have her at my side. Shmuel Ashkenasi paid us a special compliment. He pulled me aside and said to me, "I have not met your parents yet but after getting to know you and your sister, I like them already."

I fully expected there to be things that I would learn don't work and might need to change for future MIM's. I've been known to pack my schedule and that week was no exception. I know now that the musicians need more time in between shows. Saturday alone we performed 4 times. We were busking on Pacific Av. at 10am. Jason and Edward performed at 1pm. The quartet performed at 3pm and then we traveled down to Pebble Beach to perform at 8pm. Phew!! Note to self: next year we will have less performances on Saturday.

The culmination of the season was Sunday's Mother's Day performance at 4pm. For all the other performances I had left the talking at performances to board members and the other musicians. Sunday was my opportunity to communicate with the crowd and as always, strive to inspire. My moment was to come before the final piece performed by 10 string players (including guest artist Roy Malan). The idea took shape many months before.

Mr. Roy Malan had approached me about 8 months prior to MIM with the idea to perform his arrangement of Vaughan Williams's Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis. I picked a recording and played it on the way home from a rehearsal. The surge of emotions within me were so intense that I parked on the side of road and listened to it 2-3 times. I knew instantly that this would be the perfect way to conclude Music in May.

My mentor, Mr. David Arben had shared his history of his violin saving him from death in the concentration camps in a recent interview. As I listened to the gorgeous sonorities come through the car speakers, I knew I wanted to share his story, in order to pay tribute to him and also to inspire people about the beauty and power of music to have a profound impact in the world.

When Sunday May 11, 2008 finally arrived, I read my "speech" half a dozen times. When the time came I stepped up to the microphone. My tears flowed especially at two parts.

"Not only do I admire Mr. David Arben as a musician but am honored to call him part of my family."

"When I was 13 the war started. Nazi's invaded Poland. Tragedy happened. All of my family was murdered."

After I spoke and we performed Vaughan Williams, Mr. Arben came to hug me and said in his usual peaceful and calm manner, "Your emotion... touched my emotion." He said the festival could not have had a better conclusion. He said my speaking set up the performance perfectly. His approval meant the world to me.

Friday, May 23, 2008

What pleasure it gives me to accomplish dreams, one of which was to start a chamber music festival. The inaugural season took place from Wednesday May 7 through Sunday May 11, 2008. Under the auspices of the Santa Cruz Chamber Players, financial generosity of many, ESPECIALLY David Kaun, and many volunteers, ESPECIALLY Michael Stamp and Aria DiSalvio, the first season was a major success. I was intimately involved in every detail. I'm still in the process of decompressing.

Preparation took a year and a half. It involved monthly board meetings, fundraising, speaking at local service clubs, handing out thousands of flyers, scheduling the festival week down to the minute, interviews for publicity, meetings with our graphic designer, photographers, determining details of each venue, contracting musicians, deciding repertoire, obtaining a permit for our outdoor performance, writing thank you cards, studying the music I was to perform, and I'm sure I'm forgetting more than half of everything else.

As my most ambitious musical project to date, I wanted nothing more than to have my dear mentor Mr. David Arben present. After all these nearly 10 years of inspiring and helping me, he had never met my family and so I thought this to be the perfect opportunity to have him meet them and be a part of Music in May. (please see my blog "excerpts from my thesis" and read his story in my conclusion; you can also see him featured in "The Legacy" documentary, the trailer is posted on my myspace page).

The University Inn housed all of the musicians. What a wonderful gift!! I could hardly contain my excitement as I unpacked my car and moved into room 522 (on Monday May 5th), just a few hours before all the other musicians were to arrive. Rehearsals and performances began almost immediately. I felt exhausted and overwhelmed but as the first rehearsal began (of the Vaughan Williams at First Congregational), I vividly recall the soothing effect the act of playing and listening to the music had on me. I would equate it with the feeling of being in a damp, cold room and walking out into the warm, glowing sunlight. There were many, many wonderful memories created.

The week gave me a new found compassion for my father and other doctors who have to be "on call". Having been involved in all the details, it was crucial for me to be available (or "on call") at all times during the week of Music in May. I got many phone calls and by the end of the week I was jumping at the sound of my cell phone's ring.

One of the most treasured afternoon's was spent at a lunch hosted by president of the Santa Cruz Chamber Players, Hila Michaelson. We had scrumptious food outdoors on her deck with a gorgeous view of Santa Cruz. Much of the time was spent with David Arben, David Kaun and Shmuel Ashkenasi telling jokes. I will never forget that laughter filled afternoon.

David Arben: How does a Polish firing squad line up? In a circle.
Shmuel Askenasi: A rabbit and snake were in a dark cave. Since they couldn't see each other, they decided to feel each other to discover each one's identity. The snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and said, "Hmm. Very soft and big ears. You must be a rabbit!" The rabbit felt the snake and said, "Hmm. Very cold, slimy and you don't have any ears.. Aha! You must be a conductor!"


Friday's opening night performance was a sight and sound to remember. I performed on only one of the three pieces so I was free to move about the church and greet audience members at intermission and following the performance. The church was filled to capacity (four to five hundred) and the energy in the venue was electric. It was wonderful to see so many familiar faces. It was a joy to feel the sense of awe throughout the crowd towards Shmuel Askenasi and the other musicians.

There are many more stories to tell but I think I should give my wrists a break...

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Metropolitan Opera Audition

Before telling you about my big audition day, I thought I would share about what it took to make it to New York from Chicago.

I was scheduled to depart out of Chicago-Midway airport at 1pm on Monday Feb. 4. (My first lesson in NYC was the next day). Recall that my wrist was severely handicapped at that moment. My friend Lilly drove me to the airport only to find out all flights had been cancelled due to fog caused by lots of snow and rain. Because I didn't want to risk getting into NY 2 hours before my lesson the next day, I called Greyhound and found out there was a 5pm, 17hr bus ride to New York. So for the next couple of hours Lilly and I hung out Panera (fantastic sandwich restaurant) to kill time. When I arrived to stand in line at 3pm, I found it the ride to NY was SOLD OUT!! I hopped in a cab but he didn't have a meter and charged me $10 to drive me three blocks. He dropped me at the Amtrak station. I found out that the only train ride was at 10pm and would get me into NYC the next evening.

My determination to get to NY was because of my lesson. The Met members have an extremely busy schedule and I didn't want to risk losing the opportunity to work with him. So I proceeded to walk and ride cabs (my wrist had just about had it!) to Hertz, Avis, Enterprise, and a couple of other rental car companies. They were all sold out of one-way cars!!!! So as I entered a Starbucks in downtown Chicago I exclaimed, "Boy, have I had the worst day! And I'm glad to be here!" A compassionate Chicago native bought my herbal tea :) A couple hours later I ended up on an American Airlines flight (which I only made because it was severely delayed).

Now about my audition...

I woke up yesterday at 5:30am and in my little room worked out for about 30min to a kickbox dvd. I thought that might get a grin or laugh out my readers :) Showered, ate a hearty breakfast of 2 eggs, stir-fried with zucchini, mushrooms and couscous, and a glass of soy milk. From 7:30-8:30 I did my usual "day-of" EXTREMELY slow warm up. Then I hopped on the 1 line Subway stop at 125th street trying not to freeze in the -15 degree weather! I arrived at 66th street Lincoln Center and made my way through the little passage ways to the Metropolitan Opera Stage Door. There has been lots of construction so Lincoln Center is not so pretty. Rachel the orchestra manager took me to my warm up room and 1 hr before my time (10:30am) gave me the list to be played. I was to be the very first audition of the day. There were 6 excerpts. I carefully worked to ensure I would get through the 6 in an hour. But 10:30 came and went, 11 came and went. Due to a late concertmaster and loud drilling, I didn't play until 11:30am!

An orchestra member escorted me through the tunnels and stairways and hallways (you can get lost very easily in that place) to THE room. She was very kind and warm and welcoming. She left me with a gentleman who was to accompany me into the room and adjust my stand for me. The room was very large and looked a lot like my LA Opera audition room- a room used for lots of rehearsals. I wondered what historical moments had taken place in there. I was very calm. Once in the room, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being ridiculously nervous), I became a 2. During my 7 minutes of fame (tee hee), I felt solid but unfortunately I made 3 ridiculous errors. When I went to gather my stuff in my practice room, I was reunited with my long lost Juilliard friend, Jee Hae. How wonderful it was to meet her!!! I joked that I hoped the 2 of us would win the 2 jobs available. She liked that idea.

I'm not sure how many tapes were submitted and how many tapes were chosen but for the live auditions there were about 85 people total, split up on two days. I heard that this was the first year they had a tape round. Normally they would have about 200 people show up for the preliminaries.

As I road the M20 bus down to 14th street to meet my friend Olga, I got the phone call. I think I should have felt disappointed but honestly I continued to feel very peaceful. I felt all your prayers and good vibes sent for me. Thank you. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity and consider it yet another dream fulfilled. I am excited dreaming up my next big dream so stay tuned...

Saturday, February 09, 2008

New York City

New York City!! Each time I come I am reintroduced to this great city and despite its overwhelming size, there is part of me that feels very much at home. I've been here since Tues. preparing for my biggest audition to date. Come Monday Feb. 11 at 10:30am I will begin the first stage of the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra live audition.

Less than 2 weeks ago, I found out my tape was accepted and I got the letter of invitation. I jumped up and down, did a little victory dance and then got back to work. This week has been full of ups and downs. Some of you may know I've had a ganglion cyst in my right wrist (the arm I use my bow). It had only been an annoyance but on Sunday I began to have terrible pains. I think the cyst was pressing on nerves. It was about the size of a ping pong ball. So I decided to treat it the old fashioned way: smack it with a big book. I successfully deflated it but for three days I had hardly any flexibility (and severe pain) in my wrist joint!!

During my recovery I made it to New York (from Chicago) and had my first lesson with a male in the Metropolitan orchestra. My lesson was utterly sobering. He taught me SO much but being a week out from showtime made it difficult to hear the refrain, "you sound dead" throughout the 90 minutes I worked with him. I immediately went to work trying to "sound alive".

Two days later, I worked with a female in the orchestra who was much more encouraging and gave me some fantastic last minute tips to reaching my full potential before Monday morning. Turns out that we went to Juilliard at the same time. She's been working at the Met for 3 years and the Met audition was the first audition she had ever taken! Lucky girl!! At one point I asked, "Does the Met have subs?" She said, "Yes, but that's not what you should be shooting for!" I agree :)

Aside from practicing, I've enjoyed running through Central Park. Just yesterday I discovered the Jacqueline Onassis Reservoir at the northern end of the Park. The view is simply exquisite. Be sure to visit when you come to NY. I had only planned to run 3 miles but I loved the view so much, 3 turned into 6!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Excerpts from my thesis

I hope you might enjoy a few excerpts from my thesis. Be certain to read the conclusion for one of the most inspiring things you will every read!!

Introduction

How does one become a successful concert artist? During my twenty one years of studying and performing as a violinist I continue to witness many like myself spend tireless hours trying to master the great works. Besides the obvious requirement of work on your craft I have always been curious of other factors present in the journey musicians take to establish their success.

Why become a classical musician in the first place? Odds don't seem to be stacked in our favor. At first glance, what you see on stage may seem glamorous. Hundreds of people flock to watch and listen to beautiful music performed effortlessly. Paganini, Liszt, Heifetz, and Horowitz are some of the legendary performers that come to mind. Despite the initial attraction, the life of a musician is strewn with difficulties and unpredictabilities. Leila Josefowicz said, "The lifestyle of this whole business is awful. I'll not mince words about that." The unattractive aspects I have observed create a substantial list: (1) It is a life led in solitude within the four walls of a practice room. While I was studying at Juilliard the average daily practice session was between five and eight hours. And this is a ritual that begins very early in life. (2) Musicians spend equal if not more time studying than doctors and yet "starving artist" depicts the characteristically little money we earn. (3) One endures constant scrutiny. Even the note-perfect Heifetz made Dallas front-page news, "HEIFETZ FORGETS," when music came to a stop during the Sibelius Violin Concerto. (4) Perfectionism is a common trait making it rare to feel completely satisfied with one's performance. (5) Often times musicians live life out of a suitcase, in and out of hotel rooms and airports. And finally, (6) much of the public fear death more than public speaking. Musicians handle such stress of public performance on a regular basis.

Cliburn, in retirement, was once told by an interviewer that his friends "didn't see how Cliburn could be happy unless he returned to the concert stage"; he "roared with laughter" and shouted "Try me!" Asked how it felt to play his final concert, in 1978, Cliburn replied, "The one thing I felt when I got off the stage was: I don't have to do this anymore."

Job availability in orchestras is rare and with the growing number of musicians the competition is fierce. During my December 2006 audition for the San Francisco Opera Orchestra there were two openings in the first violin section and approximately seventy people auditioned. Not only are the openings rare, many orchestras are on the verge of bankruptcy, many having collapsed already. In chamber music, specifically string quartets, there are only about three groups that can solely live off of what they make from performances. The string quartet repertoire is some of the most beloved but unfortunately the demand is not very high. In the most competitive world of soloist, many go to the top international competitions to get try to get their start. In the case of the Queen Elisabeth International Violin Competition, violinists are required to prepare an amount of repertoire that most musicians struggle to learn in a lifetime. They also must learn a new commissioned piece in two weeks.

Even with all these seemingly insurmountable circumstances I can say without a doubt I feel privileged to be a musician and whole-heartedly love what I do. Aside from the obvious necessity to practice my instrument, I have found it invaluable to converse with some of the world's most successful about their personal paths. In the following pages you will hear mostly from violinists but also conductors, singers, and a cellist. Many of the musicians came from abroad to study and expand their careers in the United States. In a recent article one discovers the continued dominance of non-American's in this field.

Baltimore Symphony named Marin Alsop music director... This has been big news in the usually somnolent world of classical music for a number of reasons: First, Alsop, 48, is the first woman to take the top artistic job at a major American orchestra. Second, she's American born and trained, in a field still dominated by Europeans. Third, she's made her reputation conducting new, unusual and often American music. Fourth, she's a working jazz violinist and has boldly crossed over idioms in the inner sanctum of classical subscription series.

Returning to the quote by Ms. Josefowicz I add her next few words, "The lifestyle of this whole business is awful. I'll not mince words about that. So what you end up truly living for is the music."

I conducted a personal interview with David Arben on May 10, 2007.

David Arben, associate concertmaster emeritus of the Philadelphia Orchestra, obtained his early musical education at the Chopin Academy of Music in his native Warsaw, Poland. He continued his studies at the Mozarteum in Salzburg, Austria and the Geneva Conservatory of Music in Switzerland. He is a graduate of the Curtis Institute of Music where he studied with Efrem Zimbalist. Mr. Arben's solo career has taken him to many European countries, the far east, Mexico and South America, as well as the United States. His numerous solo appearances with orchestras includes those with the Philadelphia Orchestra, Cleveland Orchestra, the Orchestra de la Suisse Romand, the Hong Kong Philharmonic, the Philadelphia Chamber Orchestra, and others. He was heard as joint soloist with Henryk Szeryng in the Bach Double Concerto in Nice, France and also with the Philadelphia Orchestra at the Mann Music Center. Mr. Arben has given many solo recitals, radio and television broadcasts, and chamber music performances, and has been acclaimed by the press as an artist of the highest calibur.

Conclusion

I've been very fortunate to have had the opportunity to interview some of the world's best musicians. I want to conclude with the most poignant story of all, the words of David Arben. I first met Mr. Arben when I was eighteen in Puerto Rico at a music festival (where Luis Biava was music director). Mr. Arben led the violin sectionals. I was immediately struck by his dedication to help us, even when collectively we were sounding like a disaster. He had a wonderfully subtle sense of humor. Each day he would characteristically greet me with a kiss on the cheek, sometimes with a cigar in hand. He possesses a peace and calm that is rare. When I wrote him a card after that summer he still remains the only one to respond to my note of thanks. This forged what has become one of my most treasured friendships. I have only witnessed Mr. Arben perform once, the Schubert cello quintet, and no words can describe the beauty that poured forth. Nothing prepared me for the journey he shared with me that Thursday morning in Philadelphia. I knew he was Jewish and that he survived the war. Though I was curious of his history, I never had the courage to ask. As he began, the street noises through his kitchen window faded. The hairs on my arms stood up. My muscles tightened. There was a deep, aching pain in my heart. I could never imagine the horrors he described but I did feel overwhelming grief that someone I cared for so deeply had suffered so much. May his words serve as an inspiration to us all.

"Since I was two and a half years old, I always wanted to play the violin. What made me interested in the violin was when I was about two and half- and I'm from Warsaw, Poland- I would go with my father who got shaved in the barber shop. There were three barbers and one violin and bow hanging on the wall. When one of the barbers didn't have a client, he would pick up the violin and play and the other two barbers would sing along. I was very enchanted with the sound of the violin. The violin scroll reminded me of a human head and I could not understand how this human scroll could make such beautiful sounds. I would go home and pick up two sticks and imitate. I did this since I was about six and a half or seven years old. At seven I insisted and finally got the violin.

"In the old days I was always interested in music although I come from a family of non-musicians. We had a little radio box and the box was elevated, cemented on the wall. At night I would take a chair, stand on the chair and look into the box listening to the music. It seemed like there should be many people, an orchestra. I was looking in the box for the people and I couldn't find them. This is my story of getting involved with violin. From the very beginning I was always taken to the best teachers. I had a lesson everyday, six days a week. I will never forget after two weeks I was playing something in A Minor and I thought I had achieved greatness because there was one sharp in it. I was so proud of that sharp [smiles]. To me it meant I had achieved something. Then I found out there is more than one sharp- I realized I had not achieved anything. [laughter] Then I found out there are flats, [more laughter] so much more work to be done. I always wanted to play the violin- I loved the violin. I did practice. At that point, I practiced three hours which was a lot. My father had heard other people speaking that I have talent. He took me from one teacher to another which made me more famous. [smiling] After nine months I had already played a recital at the Chopin Academy in Warsaw. Of course everybody was proud of me. And it continued until I was almost thirteen.

"When I was twelve the war started and everything fell apart. We tried to hide. We tried to run away. At thirteen my family and I were separated. I had an older brother and a younger sister, grandparents, uncles and aunts. Tragedy happened. Nazis occupied Poland and we were all sent to different concentration camps where my entire family was murdered. The reason I am alive today is because of that violin. There were two occasions where the violin saved my life. In one of the concentration camps, when I was about fourteen and a half, there was a Polish prisoner of war, captured by the Nazis. He was a Jewish man from Poland, I would say in his mid-thirties. The Nazis appointed this Polish prisoner of war, this officer, to be the head of the camp and report to the Nazis. When I entered this camp I reported to him. Not knowing any better, I told him I was a violin virtuoso, because this is what my mother and father used to say. I thought anybody who plays the violin is a virtuoso. If I tell him I am a violinist it may not be enough, he may not understand who I am, but a violin virtuoso. This man talked to me. My luck was that this man knew violin. He asked me with whom I have studied and what I have played. Within two days he got a violin for me that was in his office. I was asked to come to his office. I came to his office, picked up the violin and my fingers wouldn't move. I had not played in over a year and a half, hard labor. I could see the expression on his face. I said "give me some time, I need more time." "Take all you want," he said, "and play." So after three hours, they started to move a little bit. So occasionally I would be called by him so the Nazis would come to my barrack, take me at night after hours- you couldn't be out on your own, you would be killed by the guards above- would take me to his bungalow and I would play for him. He would have supper. I would get something to eat.

"Some weeks later at 6:30 in the morning there was an inspection by the Nazis. We had to all step out. And I realized that the Nazis are asking some people to the left and others to the right. And after a while you realized going to left is not so good because you see young people, old people, and sick people. They collected 105 people, including me. We were marched outside the camp into the woods. There was a grave ready for us and a firing squad. We were asked to line up, three in the front- we had to put clothing, if we had any, on the side. This prisoner of war, the Jewish comandante, saw me, grabbed me and took me to the Obersturmf?rer, which was for this camp the highest rank of the Nazis and said, "he is a violin virtuoso- this is exactly what I told him when I met him- and we need him." I was the only one that came out alive from 105 people who a few minutes later were shot to death or buried alive. Because of the violin.

"I cannot explain to you why I liked the violin at two and a half, why I picked up two sticks to make believe I was playing the violin and la la la la, I have no idea. And this [violin saving my life] happened another occasion. To me, my violin became my family. My violin became my emotion, my heart, my being. When I grew up to become much older, if ever something would happen in life that I wouldn't be pleased, I would pick up the violin, play, and it would soothe me. The violin is the best thing that ever happened to me- it gave me life. In a documentary I was part of, I was asked, "What is music?" I gave an explanation of what is music but I also said 'to me music is life' because I experienced life in music. 'Music is life. Music is hope. Music is peace.' I cannot ask for more.

"Success is an inner strength and inner feeling. I was with friends the other day in the restaurant. I said certain things. They said certain things. My friends wife turned to me and said, "Prove it to me!" I looked at her, smiled and said, "It took me years to prove to myself. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. I'm not asking you to accept my ideas. You don't have to agree with me but I'm not going to prove to you because I proved to myself many years ago. This was the greatest challenge. If each human can prove to himself, you have proven yourself to the world. Many times an artist, no matter how great they are- the whole world loves them, the whole world appreciates them, they're written up, pictures and posters everyday- are not happy because they have never proven their worthiness to themselves.

"Even at the worst times, in some concentration camps, occasionally there was music. There was a peaceful time because nobody got hurt while you were making music. Before they might kill you and after they might kill you, but not during music. This is the power of music, the most incredible power of humanity."

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

LA Opera auditions

I write after sleeping a solid 12 hours last night. Yesterday was one of those high impact days for me, full of much excitement and anticipation. Where shall I begin…

Lisa Sutton has been coaching me periodically throughout the summer, each time I had the opportunity to travel down to LA. She has been an invaluable source of knowledge, direction, and encouragement during the entire preparation process. For that I am extremely grateful. I arrived in LA Sunday, September 30 at noon and after some lunch at Grandma's and some practicing, Elizabeth drove me to the LA Opera house. Lisa had agreed to meet with me at 5pm, following her performance of Janacek's Jenufa (an opera I'm dying to play). We had a final coaching session in the room where the audition was to be held. It's always good to play in the space prior to audition in order to get used to the surroundings and acoustics. It's also beneficial to familiarize yourself with as much as possible to decrease potential "nervous" factors. Lisa also told me about the places I could grab a bite to eat in between rounds and showed me the pit where LA Opera performs. What an inspiration! She even showed me where she usually sits and the open two seats that needed to be filled.

I returned to Grandma's home where I was feeling very calm and peaceful about the day that lie ahead of me. I was in bed by 10pm and was awakened by alarm at 5:50. I had a dream just before waking that I won one of the jobs. It put me in good spirits. After a bit of warming up and a hardy breakfast, Elizabeth picked me up and I made it to the opera house at 8am.

Here's a bit of background info that you might find interesting. There were three rounds: preliminary, semi-final and final rounds. The first two rounds are behind a screen and the tenured orchestra members only know the competitors from their assigned number. Substitute opera violinists immediately advanced to the semi-final round.

If I'm not mistaken, there were the 10 taped applicants and a few other local musicians (that just dropped by) that competed in the first round. I was number 2 and performed at 9:20am for no longer than 5 minutes.

I waited along with the others till about 10:20am when the news was delivered about who was to advance to the semi-final round. I had been nervous during my 5 min. so I had NO IDEA how I did. Four names were called: Tina, Ginny, Sakawa (? don't quite remember her name), Rebecca. David Low (orchestra manager) had announced the names. I timidly asked, "Rebecca Jackson?" He said yes. My heart lept. I noticed that the four of us were all asian females.

We were told to come back at 11am for our next appointed time. David said to me, "You must have played really well because I know those other violinists that didn't make the cut and they're al great players." I felt very grateful even before he told me that. With the subs added to the semi-final round, there were approximately 23 competitors. I was 6 and I performed for about 7 min. at around noon. This time I was much calmer and I played my heart out! I came out feeling GREAT about how I played, no matter what the news to come may be. There were 10 finalists chosen. They read my name! (7 asian females, 1 asian male, 1 russian male, and 1 caucasian female)

We were assigned times to rehearse with pianist (mine, 2:20) and were told to come back at 4pm for our time. I had an amazing conversation with Lisa while I waited. I expressed how wonderful it felt getting into the zone performing for the semi-finals. She said, "That's it, Rebecca. For the finals all you need to do is play your heart out because when you do that you're unbeatable." I got some wonderfully encouraging messages throughout the day. Needless to say, I am very fortunate to be blessed with such a support network.

I was sixth up and the black curtain was finally down. About 8 musicians and conductor James Conlon (the best conductor ever!) were sitting at a very long table. No violin concerto to begin (like in the past two rounds). Just 6 excerpts, one right after the other. They didn't say anything to me but I did hear some whispering. I was nervous but gave it my all. After the 10 went, we were ushered into a room where we waiting for about 45 min. while they deliberated. I didn't make the cut but I didn't feel disappointment. Perhaps it was because of exhaustion. I am thankful for the experience and I hear that as a finalist I can be put on their sub list. Yay.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


OCT 27 and 28 performances.

I just returned from a crazy few days of rehearsing in Philadelphia. I met up with Felix and Jason to work on our new program for the end of next month. Even though Felix is full-time at work in the IT field, it's amazing that he finds the drive to work up such difficult repertoire. It's been over a year since I've performed with Jason and that makes it over a year too long! His sound and command of the cello is unheard of these days. One of the pieces we are performing is Smetana's Piano Trio. It's a HUGE (perhaps too huge in some parts) piano part. In chamber music (playing with two or more people), the most tricky part of playing with piano is BALANCE. As long as the violin is up high, it's pretty easy to be heard. The cello, on the other hand, typically has the most difficult time being properly heard compared to the other parts. Kind of like when you have a recording technician adjust the volume of different instruments during the editing process. But when it's live, it's just one more thing musicians must think about. BUT... what's amazing about playing with Jason is, even through these loud piano sections, the meaty presence of Jason is miraculous. Each time I work with Jason I go through initial shock because I'm so used to telling cellists to play more. Come out to hear what I'm talking about on October 27th or 28th.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Exciting news to share. Let me preface by saying the audition process for the LA Opera has been different. First of all, SF Opera didn't have a tape round. LA Opera uses the tape round (or CD I should say) as a preliminary round. So instead of having a live preliminary round, LA first narrows the pool of applicants by recording. This brings me to the good news.... I found out recently that of 40 recordings, I was one of ten chosen to compete for one of the 2 job openings for violin in the LA Opera! Yippee! I am so thankful for this opportunity and look forward to playing live for the panel on October 1. So please send lots of thoughts and prayers my way that morning. My audition time is 9am.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Here is an excerpt from my graduation letter I sent to family and friends:

June 16, 2007

I have reached yet another milestone in my life. Yesterday I walked in cap and gown with all the other graduate students at UC Santa Cruz. I can scarcely believe I now have earned a master's degree! I wanted to take this special time to reflect and share with you some of my experiences.

It's been such a joy to study with Roy Malan, not only a wealth of knowledge but also such a caring individual. Not to mention, he provided me with the superb idea for my thesis (What it Takes to be a Successful Concert Artist) which surprisingly made the task of birthing those 95 pages a joyous one (well, mostly). I also had the pleasure to get to know David Kaun (UCSC economics professor, clarinetist and extraordinary supporter for the arts). We've shared in some wonderful experiences and due to his patronage, among many other things, we are now in the process of planning Santa Cruz Chamber Players present "Music in May," a series of chamber concerts that will be over one weekend. Mark your calendar and if you're not already, take a vacation in Santa Cruz: Friday May 9 – Sunday May 11, 2008. All performances will be free (with stellar international artists) and donations will support local non-profits.

........

So many things have happened during my years at UCSC. It's been a truly exciting time. The happiest moment at my graduation was as I walked in line with all the other graduates through the crowds of cheering family and friends. I heard a familiar voice shout, "Rebecca!" I looked over and saw my sister Elizabeth pushing Grandma in her wheelchair, waving. Not too far ahead was Dad pushing my 98 year young Great Grandma. As I continued walking I saw my Mom and my maternal grandma. It was not possible for me to smile any bigger or my heart swell with more joy. Let me repeat. That moment was the highlight. I think it is a reflection of life. No matter where you go or what you accomplish, it's meaningless without sharing it with those you love. Thank you all for making my life meaningful. Without you, I would not have made it to where I am or who I am today.

Tomorrow is Father's day so it is especially appropriate to take this time to thank my dad for the source of undying love, encouragement and inspiration he is. He became the glue that Great Grandma was to keep all our family united. He took over the saintly role of Grandpa after he passed away, looking after Grandma, and now Great Grandma. He continues to be the prayer warrior who has prayed daily for nearly two decades for so many, including all those reading this letter. For over 26 years he cared for thousands as a doctor in a clinic and now touches so many more through Nikken. Thank you Daddy!

I love quotes and I love dreaming BIG, so remember:

"Don't dwell in reality; it will only keep you from greatness."

Monday, May 28, 2007

I've been meaning to write about this unique performance experience... I was part of a 13-piece orchestra performing for Brand Upon the Brain (dir. Guy Maddin), a film shown at the SF Film Festival. It took place at the Castroville Theater. It was a silent film with all sounds being made live either by the orchestra, the narrator or the foley artists. My story has to do with the foley artists.

The orchestra was crammed into the small space between the stage and the first row of seats. Seated, the stage was about eye level. During the dress run-through the foley artists warned of shattering glass and splashing water but assured us that we wouldn't be in their line of fire. During the dress the cellist was drenched with water. The plates of glass were shattered on a table surface and apparently the pianist in the back got a clear view of what happened during the show. The foley artist broke the plate at such an angle that it came straight for me and Laura (violin). With individual mics right under our nose, I let out a, "Ah!!" as the glass stung my right cheek. It also got Laura too. Fortunately my violin was protected by the angle at which I was holding it. After the initial shock let off, I turned back and the foley artist overwhelmed with guilt, "Sorry!" I never imagined such an event to be a part of the job description of a musician. All the same, it was great fun.

Also, during the performance I noticed a very strong smell of celery. I thought to myself, "Who the heck would bring celery to a movie to munch on?!" At the after-party I found out that the celery was what the foley artists used to make the sound of breaking bones. Who woulda thunk it?!